Giants v. Cowboys - Week 4 Preview
During the NFL Season, my Monday mornings are typically all the same. I walk into the office, exchange quarter-hearted “good mornings” with my colleagues who don’t care about football (literal psychopaths) and am then promptly greeted by the IT guy three seats down.
“You watch the games yesterday?”
Yes Ricardo, of course I watched the fucking games yesterday. This shit is my oxygen. I haven’t stopped thinking about football since I got done watching 10 hours of football, 9 hours ago. But hey - now that you mention it - I can’t think of a better way to spend the first 5 minutes of my day than explaining to you - why the Giants lost, in the simplest terms possible.
But not this week - on Victory Mondays I cartwheel down the aisle of dusty computers, donning my lucky (yet to generate luck) Giants socks, execute a perfect dismount and ask Ricardo if HE saw Big Blue put a beat down on INSERT MEDIOCRE TEAM. For the next five days, I get to walk around the office with a puffed chest and my neck/chin at a permanent obtuse angle, giving smug looks to anyone who wants one. I AM A WINNER AND EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW! Us Giants fans know these moments are limited and that next Sunday is inevitable, so we’re well accustomed to savoring every last drop of this feeling for the entirety of the work week.
That is, unless Jeff Bezos bends you over like one of his factory staff and puts your ass back to work on short rest.
The Cowboys dominance over the Giants is well documented. Dallas has won 6 straight and 13 of the last 14 contests - with the lone Giant victory coming against Andy Dalton (currently kind of a flex). Unfortunately for the G-Men, this 7 year stretch of ass beatings is trumped by a more alarming streak. The Giants have not won on Thursday Night Football since 2015.
Year after year we’re forced to participate in this watered down, bullshit product and get embarrassed in front of millions of Amazon Prime Subscribers. Whether it be the infamous DJ face plant/Engram drop against Philly, Dex lining up “offside” to negate a game winning “Football Team” shank, or last year’s 49ers debacle - we ALWAYS play terribly on this cursed night. I’ve seen this episode so many times before - and it always ends up with me staying up way past my bedtime, only to be stuck plodding into work the next day to get my second earful of the week from fucking Ricardo.
But let’s be honest - this Dallas team is beatable! The Cowboys are on the proverbial ropes after being dog walked in consecutive weeks. Meanwhile, the Giants are coming in red hot after playing a good half, then holding on for dear life against the vaunted Cleveland Browns! The time to break both of these curses and get back in the division race is now!
Aside from Dexy, the Giants are admittedly paper thin on the interior D-Line. We probably should’ve known the Dallas run-D would struggle when they were seen begging on a corner in Paterson, shaking a a soup can and 6th rounder for Jordan Phillips - a player who was in the process of losing his job the great DJ Davidson and UDFA Elijah Chatman. The Cowboys have allowed 464 yards on the ground the past two weeks. They’re allowing big chunks on early downs and the Zimmer led defense clearly lacks the discipline seen in the Dan Quinn iterations that tortured us for so many years.
And that’s really the biggest thing headed into this game. We have an easy out to avoid Micah Paraons and the horrifying pass rush by simply handing the ball to Devin Singletary - whose advanced metrics look more like Adrian Peterson than that loser down I-95.
This might seem like an oversimplification but it’s worked flawlessly the past two weeks - just ask anyone with Kamara or Derrick Henry on their fantasy team. And trust me - I really want Nabers to do the machine gun celebration in Diggs’ face too - but the name of the game will be time of possession, ball control (please stop fumbling), and finishing drives with 7 (I still don’t know who the fuck is kicking).
While I’ve finally gotten over my fear of Micah Parsons (mainly because he’s not lining up against Evan Neal), another boogeyman still exists. Dak Prescott has won 12 straight against the Giants while tossing 26 TDs and just 6 INTs in that span. When everyone else gets to laugh at Dak choke in the playoffs, I usually sit confused, wondering why I never see him make these boneheaded mistakes against my team.
The Giants pass rush has gotten statistically fat off of a pair of weak offensive lines the past two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see them playing well, but am also well aware that generating pressure against this offensive line and a quarterback who knows what he’s doing is a totally different task. Ideally, we’re able to exploit the two rookies (Guyton and Beebe), but if not…
This guy is going to be an absolute nightmare to cover. Adoree Jackson and promising rookie Dru Phillips will both miss Thursday Night with calf injuries - so that leaves Deonte Banks with the task of shadowing one of the league’s best receivers. The Giants chose to neglect the secondary in both the draft and free agency, largely because this regime assumed the 2nd year player could elevate his game to that of a CB1. Unfortunately, Banks has had a rough go against the league’s elite receivers and Lamb provides yet another difficult challenge for him.
I also don’t know if the Giants plan on having Banks follow CeeDee into the slot. If he does - I’m not confident in the rest of the secondary holding their own against Cooks and whatever tight end Dallas decides will get 80 yards. If he doesn’t - I fear for whatever sick, twisted things Lamb will do to Cor’Dale Flott and co.
As you can probably tell, I’m taking the over in this one. I don’t think either defense will have consistent success due to the respective “glaring weaknesses” of each. It could very well end up being a “whoever has the ball last” type of game - that Dallas seemingly always wins and we unfortunately lose…
But much like Germany, I’m choosing to throw out all the shameful, embarrassing history. The Giants finally kill the boogeyman tonight.
Giants 27, Cowboys 24
