Youth in Revolt - Yankees vs Dodgers (Game 4 Recap)

When facing an 0–3 series deficit, there is never much reason for hope or belief in anything other than your team’s playoff run coming to an abrupt end. Call me crazy, but I don’t draw much inspiration from the ‘04 Red Sox highlights, as they represent a series of events that is as unlikely as it is traumatic.

The overarching feeling of dread heading into Game 4 quickly turned into acceptance, as Freddie Freeman hit yet another 2-run homer before the dinner plates made their way to the sink. This was shaking out to be a carbon copy of games 2 and 3 — which some would say would serve as a fitting end to this World Series.

But there would be no end on this night. For the first time since Freeman ripped their hearts out in Game 1, you saw fight from the New York Yankees.

Were these greaseballs the catalyst for last night’s winning effort? Probably not. But any dork trying to burn these dudes at the stake for trying to preserve one of our 27 precious outs either a) doesn’t love their team b) has never seen their team play in a championship or c) just fucking sucks to be around.

Betts wasn’t hurt, they ruled Gleyber out (despite Mookie not completing the process of the catch), and it provided a one-sided series with a much needed memorable moment. Find me a sports fan who hasn’t had 3 too many drinks pregame - because that loser needs some cooler friends.

In terms of the actual baseball game, the story of the night is Anthony Volpe. We’ve been beaten over the head with the stories of the local kid who watched Jeter and dreamed of being a Yankee. But lets be honest — his career thus far has left much to be desired. After making a Gleyber-esque error on the bases the inning prior, Volpe stepped into the box with 2-outs and the bases loaded in the bottom of the 3rd — and finally provided fans with a signature moment.

When you end the night with 11 runs, its easy to forget the significance of Volpe’s grand salami. The Yanks were trailing 2–1 and on the verge of squandering a golden scoring opportunity after Rizzo popped out with the much-maligned bottom of the Yankee lineup due up. Seeing the youngest guy on the team have that “I refuse to lose” mentality we’ve desperately been seeking from the veterans was truly incredible.

That drive over the left field wall put the Yanks up 5–2 and not only provided the team with a spark, but forced Dave Roberts to move away from his high leverage relievers and seemingly concede Game 4 to the Yanks. Its obviously way too early to know whether or not that homer will hold any significance other than preserving the Yankees season another 24 hours, but god damnit was it great to see the future of this team grow up before our eyes and will this team to victory.

Although slightly overshadowed by Volpe’s legacy game, Austin Wells’ efforts should not be forgotten. While his double in the 2nd unfortunately didn’t serve as the initial spark for the offense, his upper deck nuke in the 6th served as the unofficial dagger when LA had cut the Yankee lead down to 1.

Wells has struggled more than any other Yankee this postseason. While Judge has shouldered most of the blame, people seem to forget that this offense was pure shit before Wells was inserted into the clean up spot over the summer. Its no coincidence that his offensive issues have had a negative ripple effect on the lineup in general.

It may very well be too little too late in terms of this series, but its hard not to be overwhelmingly happy for the kid who has clearly been going through it over the past few weeks. He’s hopefully another building block that will be asked to perform in these types of games for many years to come.

Luke Weaver would come in to embarrass the heart of the Dodger lineup, before the Yanks teed off on the single worst pitcher I’ve seen these playoffs to put the game completely out of reach.

I get that you’re obviously not going to blow your key arms in this situation, but if this 8th inning slugfest ends up restoring confidence in a broken lineup, I will forever thank Roberts for trotting out this Honeydick fellow.

Again, I want to emphasize that it is way too early for me to truly believe that the Yanks are going to pull off the impossible. But at the same time, its hard not to feel that tinge of hope and optimism after seeing the team get off the mat and show a bit of pride last night.

Sending this thing back to LA while also depriving these fucks of the opportunity to pop bottles in our building should be the current goal. Thinking about anything beyond that point is a meaningless exercise that I am choosing to avoid until it becomes much more of a potential reality (hopefully at around 11:30 PM tonight).

We’re going to need a herculean effort from Cole while also figuring out Flaherty, but tonight’s contest is yet another winnable game. Get it done and make these home fans proud to wear the pinstripes in the year’s final battle in the Bronx.

Down to One Last Breath - Yankees vs. Dodgers (Game 3 Recap)

Much like the 46,000 in attendance, I entered the night cautiously optimistic that the Yanks would come out with a strong effort in Game 3. Our pitching staff had performed relatively well to this point and the bats would surely respond to the raucous Bronx crowd. And look! Jeter is throwing out the first pitch!

The last morsel of faith I had in this team faded away the second Fat Joe (Scary Movie 3, Happy Feet) began his horrible 9-minute, Ecko Unltd-ass mashup of Z100 songs you hate. Mr. Joe scuffed up the infield with his dumbass Timbs while offering a comprehensive preview of the evening - lagging a full second behind his backing track, similar to the Yanks on 1st pitch fastballs.

While much of the Game 3 blame should be attributed to the offense, Clarke Schmidt did the Yankees absolutely no favors. With the crowd somehow engaged after Fat’s performance, he missed the zone by 2 feet on 4 consecutive pitches to lead off the game. Ohtani stood on 1st in some sort of modified eagle pose, relieved he didn’t need to even think about swinging the bat with his busted shoulder.

Schmidt’s lack of control would be the theme of his extremely short night, as he missed the zone on 31 of his 68 pitches. That of course does not include the cookie he served up to future World Series MVP, Freddie Freeman - who could barely keep his veneers in his mouth as he trotted around the bases for the 3rd time in as many games.

Clarke led off the 3rd with yet another, non-competitive, 4-pitch walk - this time, to the 9-hitter. Edman would then be driven in on a jam shot to right by Mookie Betts to give LA a 3-0 lead. As it turns out, this deficit would be completely insurmountable as the “Bombers” gave us one of the worst offensive performances you’ll ever see.

Buehler definitely deserves some credit for pounding the zone - but for the life of me, I do not understand why the entire Yankee lineup decided to spend the night taking fastballs right down the dick with their season on the line!

The fans’ desperate attempt to “Trea Turner” ovate Judge back to life was an abject failure. However, his 0-3 with a walk (and just 1 strikeout!) served as one of the better offensive showings from this pathetic ass lineup.

Besides Stanton (so fucking tired of saying this) no one had remotely competitive at bats. Batter after batter fell behind in the count, while praying to be walked by a Dodger staff that threw nothing but strikes. Do you guys see the fucking monuments in center field? Does anyone have the slightest urge to join these guys as the legend that dragged the 2024 Yankees back from the dead? Nope - Jazz and company are probably still bitching about strike calls while our World Series drought approaches 2 decades.

Every talking head is having a field day roasting Rojas for sending Stanton in the 4th - but can you really blame him? He’s been 90 feet away from 2.5 games worth of offensive incompetence. Waving Giancarlo’s broken bones around 3rd and forcing Teoscar to make a throw gives us a better chance of scoring than hoping this lineup strings together 3 hits in an inning.

The sickest joke of the night is of course Verdugo going yahtzee with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th. Great, let’s restore our idiot manager’s confidence in the one guy he might have replaced as we face elimination for the next week (potentially 12 hours). This was the least competitive 4-2 game you’ll ever see and my heart truly goes out to those poor Yankee fans that just blew thousands of dollars to witness this nonsense in person.

I’d love to give some sort of “rah rah” miracle speech to close this thing out, but its just not in me right now. I’ve seen far too many Boone-led playoff losses that look just like this one to truly believe that this team is capable of pulling off the impossible.

How about you prove me wrong? How about you show some balls instead of crying to umpires and going down in the most pathetic fashion imaginable? Is that too really too much to ask?

A California Nightmare - Yankees vs. Dodgers (Game 2 Recap)

We’ve spent weeks finding parallels between this Yankees team and championship winning squads of the past. “Volpe is coming into his own like Jeter in ‘96.” “Stanton is gonna go Reggie on the Dodgers.” “Tim Hill is our Dámaso Marte.”

As it turns out, this group isn’t anything like those teams and is instead paying homage to the 2020 Yankees - a postseason in which no one hit aside from Stanton and the Bombers went down quietly in front of a clueless opposing fanbase (Tampa’s cardboard cutouts, Fans of the LA Dodgers).

For the second consecutive night, the Yanks faced a pitcher that many fans believed would be wearing pinstripes in 2024. As we all know, Ohtani deferred the entirety of his contract til after the planet explodes - which allowed the Dodgers to back up the Brinks Truck for Yamamoto - which then allowed Yamamoto to back up our colons with that weird torpedo he tosses around.

How fucking dumb am I to think that Rodon vs. Yoshi would somehow be an advantage for the Yankees? Thank god Roberts pulled him after 86 pitches, otherwise we’d probably be looking at 8 innings of 1 hit, 1 run ball while being subjected to that stupid Japanese breakfast feed 7 more times.

The aforementioned 1 hit and 1 run came via a solo blast from Soto, tying the game at 1 after Rodon allowed a homer to Tommy Edman the inning prior. If you thought this would allow Rodon to settle back into the game, you would be sorely mistaken.

With two outs in the 3rd Inning - Mookie single, Teoscar 2-Run bomb, Freddie bomb. For the second time this postseason, Rodon absolutely imploded in the first third of a game, giving the Dodgers all the run support they needed to defeat this offensively challenged iteration of the Yankees.

I don’t how this is still happening? I fucking love Judge and tried to bite my tongue on the issue for as long as I could but at this point, it’s just pathetic.

How does one of the best hitters in our lifetime come up this flat in the playoffs? Not only have I lost all confidence in his at bats, but I’m CERTAIN he’s going to strike out. He is consistently fanning at the 2 feet outside, off-speed garbage, then gets gassed by mediocre fastballs.

It feels like he’s coming up with men on every time - and just consistently leaving them stranded. I don’t know how you keep batting him third, we need Stanton in these spots or we’re going to get fucking swept.

The one positive to take away from this game is that the B-Tier bullpen guys pitched phenomenally and kept LA stuck at 4 when you assumed they’d blow the game open. Outside of Rodon and the Nestor debacle (did you see Tim Hill tonight?), the Yankees staff has overall done a great job against LA. If this continues and our offense decides to contribute anything at all, this series is far from over.

The Yankees apparently got that memo in the top of the ninth, when they decided to show their first and only signs of life of the evening. Soto single, (Judge Strikeout), Stanton RBI single, Jazz Single, Rizzo hit by pitch.

The bombers were set with bases loaded, 1 out, down 4-2.

Much like this Yankees rally, Anthony Volpe and Jose Trevino proved to be too little, too late on the respective sweeper and fastballs that retired the duo to end the game.

I’m fucking scared and sad, there’s no other way to put it. We pitched well enough to win both of these games, Stanton and Soto continue to rake - but much like Lindsay Lohan, we leave LA empty handed.

The good news is we have three in the Bronx to keep our season alive - starting with the shittiest dude in their rotation, a bullpen game, and then Cole back on the hill for Game 5. While we’ve forfeited any margin for error, these are extremely winnable games.

But let’s be real, it’s time to nut up or shut up. I know damn well we CAN beat this team but they have to fucking prove it. Boone needs to make the right decisions, Judge needs to get his head out of his ass, and the team has to show some serious balls for the first time this postseason.

Winning 4 of 5 is daunting, but it’s gotta start with 1. See you all in the Bronx Monday Night.

Go Yanks.

A First Round Gut Punch - Yankees v Dodgers (Game 1 Recap)

After spending much of the week fully enthralled in all the pomp, circumstance, and Morgan Freeman voiceover montages that the World Series has to offer - I found myself much more eager than nervous for these games to start.

I was well aware that the quality of opponent had finally reached an acceptable level for all the insufferable pests in my life, but also felt like we stacked up quite well against LA.

While Friday Night was visual proof that we can indeed play with these guys, Game 1 unfortunately also serves as a major missed opportunity for the Yanks to immediately take control of the series.

As my father has said so many times before…”Ya fucked up Boone!”

Perhaps the most disappointing aspect of the Game 1 Loss is the wasted Gerrit Cole performance. While the strikeout numbers aren’t necessary prime Cole, our little psychopath didn’t shy away from the strike zone against a loaded Dodger lineup, allowing 0 walks and just 4 hits over 6+ innings.

There were undoubtedly some near misses as well as some potential would-be Yankee Stadium souvenirs - but Cole navigating through the heart of the Dodger lineup 3 times and keeping the Yanks in this game for the entirety of the evening shouldn’t be lost due to the end result.

The most frustrating part of all of this is that the Yankees starting pitching is arguably our biggest advantage in the series. On a night where your ace gives you 6 innings of 1 run ball, you can’t have some injury prone journeyman giving you the same treatment.

Jack Flahrety was essentially able to match Cole’s effort, tossing 5.1 innings of his own. The Yanks had a bit more traffic on the bases, but each time a runner entered scoring position, Flahrety would showcase his wipeout knuckle curve and embarrass whoever was standing in the box (mainly Judge).

The back looks ok from here Cashman!

The Yanks did eventually get to Flahrety in the 6th, thanks to a leadoff single by Soto and yet another Playoff Stanton moonshot.

I truly don’t know where we’d be without this guy. What began as “tongue in cheek” applause, has now developed into nightly praise that still somehow feels like an understatement for G’s dominance. Every game it’s a massive tank job, in a massive moment. Had it not been for several inexcusable miscues (which we’ll get to shortly), this 2-run jack would’ve proved to be the eventual game winner.

Then of course our old friend - “Gleyber’s lackadaisical defense” reemerged just in time to fuck up the winning effort. A Shohei Ohtani rocket double turned into a triple after Torres lazily backhanded a short hop that skipped into no-man’s land.

LA then cashed in on their second sac fly opportunity via shotty defense to tie the game at 2. However, the stage would soon be set for Torres’s redemption in the 9th.

Obviously the broadcast couldn’t wait to make the Jeffrey Maier comparisons, but there’s one big difference here. This fucking idiot was leaning over the fence to snag a go-ahead homer for the OPPOSING team.

This sums up LA sports fandom entirely. This could’ve cost his team the game, but this bozo didn’t care, as long as he was able to snag the $8 souvenir to validate the shitty story he’ll retell every time he and his friends get into a bag of coke. Truly disgusting behavior.

The outcome was unchanged as Torres would be stranded on 2nd regardless of whether this adult diaper model reached over the wall. Regardless, the whole thing made me irrationally angry and it made me realize that the only thing this fanbase deserves is a tidal wave to their Malibu beach houses.

While it took 2 rounds and 10 innings, it was damn nice of Jazz Chisholm to show up for this year’s playoffs. His leadoff single and two stolen bases put him in position to score on an Anthony Volpe groundout with the infield playing in.

Jazz also made a sick play at third (while also playing in) to keep the Dodgers from scoring in a similar situation. His overall effort tonight is definitely a positive to take away from a night that would turn miserable just 20 minutes later.

With Holmes, Kahnle, and Weaver used earlier in the game, it was up to Jake Cousins to work through the bottom of the Dodger order and secure the Game 1 victory.

A walk and an infield single (potentially a game ending DP) ended Cousins’ night as Shohei Ohtani came up to the plate.

It was at this moment that Aaron Boone couldn’t resist the smell of his own shit and brought in Nestor Cortes in relief over …I don’t know - anyone who has pitched in the past 40 days? Or anyone who is comfortable coming out of the pen?

Nestor was actually able to retire Ohtani thanks to Alex Verdugo making one of the most impressive catches you’ll never remember. Boone then intentionally walked Betts to load the bases for Freeman. The rest will live in your respective social media feeds forever.

If you’re gonna give Freeman a 93 mph cookie down the middle, why not cut out the middle man and chuck that shit over the fence yourself?

I know this might come across as Monday Morning Quarterbacking, but this game was won if Tim Hill comes in. He’s dominated lefties our entire playoff run! Worse case scenario we have a guy who can’t run making soft contact to end the game.

This was beyond mindless. Are we trying to force storylines or win the World Series? Do fucking better.

That sucked. There’s no other way to put it. We had a shot to put this team on the ropes and instead we have ourselves in a pseudo “must-win” just 4 hours into the World Series.

We pitched this game well enough to win, but even the most optimistic/moronic Yankee fans can’t expect this type of effort moving forward. Time to hit the fucking ball boys!

Hey Aaron, it was great seeing you take pictures with Jeter pregame. How about you fucking act like him and get this time up off the mat. You have your first real adversity this post season. It’s time for the captain to bring this team back before it’s too late.

We’re Baaaaack - Yankees vs Guardians (Game 5 Recap)

I guess Cleveland hadn’t heard the incessant whining about how easy the Yankees path to a World Series was - because these pesky Guards really thought they had a chance in this series.

To me, Cleveland is the perfect postseason foe. They’re scrappy and annoying enough to be somewhat competitive - which allows my team to produce electrifying moments and memories that will last a lifetime - while they also are never quite good enough to serve as an actual threat.

Think of Cleveland as a nice sparring partner, a good warm up set before you max out your bench, or a little brother you try out new characters on in Super Smash Bros.

But alas, all good things (i.e. series against mediocre teams) must come to an end. While Cleveland’s story has concluded, ours will continue to a place we haven’t been in 15 long years.

Ladies and (mostly) Gentlemen - I am pleased to announce…

We’re Baaaaack!

The Yanks began the night with a Gleyber Torres leadoff single, followed by a Soto gapper. I fully understand trying to set the tone early, but Rojas sending Gleyber with no outs in that situation is inexcusable. Allowing Torres to get gunned down at the plate not only allowed a rattled Bibee to settle in, but caused the Yanks to leave an inning with 4 baserunners completely scoreless.

To me, Rodon’s start felt a lot better than the final stat line would indicate. He was missing bats and pounding the zone - but a few lengthy ABs destroyed his pitch count and emptied his gas tank.

The Guardians were opportunistic in the early innings. They didn’t have many baserunners but converted in each of their early opportunities. Through 5, Cleveland held a 2-0 lead.

Desperate to get length out of a starting pitcher for the first time this series - Bibee came out for the 6th to face the top of the Yankee lineup. Major shoutout to Vogt, who continues to pitch to Stanton despite having 1st and 2nd base open with 2 outs. I can’t tell if this guy is too prideful to throw up the 4, afraid of Jazz Chisholm, or just a straight up moron.

Regardless - tie ball game bozo.

It was then up to the least trustworthy guys in our bullpen to hold the line. Mark Leiter Jr., Tim Hill (probably doesn’t deserve to be included here), and Jake Cousins came up huge with 3.1 scoreless innings in relief.

With the recent struggles of Holmes, we will undoubtedly need these guys to continue to contribute. I know it was just the Guardians, but hopefully success in these crucial situations serves as a building block for the dudes in the back pages of Boone’s phonebook.

Smith, Herrin, and Clase dominated innings 6 through 9 which sent this one into extras - where flamethrower Hunter Gaddis would take the pill.

A walk to Austin Wells and an inexplicably bad error by the Guardian shortstop set the table for the heart of the Yankee lineup. With 2 outs and 2 on, the stage was set for the showdown of the postseason.

Juan Soto stood in that box and simply demanded a fastball, spoiling slider after slider, as well as a pair of changeups. You could tell by Soto’s crazed nods after each pitch that he was seeing the ball clearly and just needed Gaddis to give in to his demands.

The result - a high heater that wasn’t high enough. And a three run jack that will live in Yankee lore for eternity.

The time to stress about Soto’s pending free agency will come - but for now, I would implore any Yankee fan to simply enjoy the show this guy puts on each and every night. He is as cold blooded a hitter as we’ve ever seen and watching him completely bitch some of the best pitchers in the game, in the biggest moments is not something that should be taken for granted.

I fucking love this guy and he’s proven to be everything we could’ve expected and more. I can’t wait to see him talk his shit and smoke some overrated ass pitchers in the World Series.

From there, all that was left to do was for Luke Weaver to get back on the horse and close out yet another Yankee Victory. This one of course, would feel a little more special.

And just like that - we’re onto the Fall Classic. While our opponent remains unknown, I have to say I like our chances against whoever comes out of the NL. The big boys are mashing, the arms will be rested, and we’re the mother fucking New York Yankees.

Again - I’d like to thank everyone for reading my stuff and supporting me throughout this series. While the battle of the AL is won, the war for the baseball immortality has just begun.

“See ya!” Next weekend.

Go Yanks.

A Wild Ride in Six Flags Cleveland - Yankees vs Guardians (Game 4 Recap)

After suffering one of the more crushing defeats of this postseason, it was paramount that the Yankees come out of the gate quickly in Game 4. The Guards were riding a Pe’ahi 70-foot wave of momentum that needed to be stopped before hitting (Cleve)land. I did not want this series tied and more importantly, I did not want these lunatic fans to have any reason to believe.

When Soto starts the game with a 2-run homer, I thought - “We had finally broken them”. All the bad juju from the night prior had been erased and the Yanks would cruise to a 3-1 series lead.

Little did I know that I was about to witness one of the wildest, back and forth, shit show rollercoasters of a playoff game these eyes have ever seen.

Right off the bat - you knew both starters weren’t sniffing the fifth inning. Williams is giving up jacks to Austin Wells of all people and Gil is missing the zone by 2 feet, while also getting blooped to death.

Through 5, the Yanks led 3-2. With both pens completely spent, it was time to buckle up for the inevitable series of heart attacks we were on the verge of experiencing.

Soto’s lead off walk, followed by a Judge single set the table for the Yanks in the 6th. Jazz then laid down a nice sacrifice bunt that would prove to be unnecessary as Playoff Giancarlo would strike once more.

The three run shot sent Hudson Hall into an absolute frenzy - as I ordered another round of picklebacks and started my 14th “Let’s Go Yankees” chant of the evening (surely I wasn’t being obnoxious or annoying in any way).

And then - Clay Holmes enters the game in the 7th and firmly declared that he is indeed - back on his bullshit. Consecutive doubles by Ramirez and Naylor drove in the Cousins’ inheritance and the Yankee lead was quickly down to one.

I don’t know what I did to deserve Mark Leiter Jr. returning to the active roster, let alone pitching in the bottom of the 8th inning. I put zero blame on the cameraman who thought Big Christmas deposited that hanger into the Cuyahoga - because I sure as hell did too.

Just when you thought he would miraculously get out of his latest jam unscathed, he boots a soft comebacker and proceeds to nutmeg Rizzo in one of the most inexplicably terrible plays you’ll ever see.

Rizzo is definitely at blame here as well as the ball seemingly phased through both his glove and body. I’m not sure how fractured fingers have had such a negative impact on his defense but the guy isn’t making any plays outside of the most routine variety. This has to be figured out ASAP before it ends up costing us against a good baseball team.

With the game tied entering the ninth, Emmanuel Clase entered the contest looking for his shot at redemption. I regret to inform the entire city of Cleveland that he’d better keep on looking!

Rizzo single, Volpe Single, double steal, infield RBI single by Verdugo. We had Guardians’d the Guardians with the small ball bullshit they pride themselves on. A Gleyber drive up the middle tacked on the 5th run against Clase in just 2 innings of work.

For reference, Mariano Rivera allowed just 11 earned runs in his entire postseason career (141 Innings Pitched). So maybe keep the goat’s name out of your mouth Nathan.

With Weaver on the shelf, Tommy Kahnle would neutralize a final Guardian threat in the ninth and give the Yankees a hard fought 3-1 series lead.

In all seriousness, Cleveland deserves some credit for their performance these past two games. They’ve battled back from certain death and have forced the Yanks into facing some much needed adversity.

So bravo Guardians. You’ve made this series much more fun than I had anticipated. Unfortunately for you, I fully expect it to end later tonight, leaving you all with nothing but Deshaun Watson to entertain you the rest of the fall. Ta ta!

An Epic Comeback gets Fry’d - Yankees vs Guardians (ALCS Game 3 Recap)

I’m roughly 12 hours removed from one of the wilder playoff games in recent memory and truly don’t know how to abridge my thoughts and feelings into a single shitty blog post. I was 1 strike away from confidently titling this write-up “A Master Clase: Judge and Stanton Kill Cleveland” — yet here I am having to type about some fucker named “Big Christmas”. I’m still confident the Yanks will inevitably get by the Guards, but unfortunately the ALCS won’t be the complete and utter mockery I had hoped for.

I suppose it’s time for me to try the local Cleveland cruise and eat some crow.

The game started with yet another lefty junk baller completely decimating our lineup. Had it not been for Josh Naylor’s inability to move vertically or horizontally, the Yanks would’ve been blanked by Boyd through 5. Of course, this lackluster effort was greatly aided by Jose Trevino, who committed the team’s nightly baserunning error to snuff out a 2nd inning rally.

In quite literally every game the Yanks have played this postseason, they have a major opportunity in the early innings and have completely failed to put teams away. While the pickoffs and K’s in these situations haven’t necessarily killed them as of yet, it has forced Boone into using the high leverage relievers on a nightly basis.

Turns out, it would be time to pay the piper for the early game ineptitude a few hours later.

Clarke Schmidt was his usual self. It seems as though he’ll never be able to get deep into games (especially in the playoffs) and the one or two mistakes will equate to his earned run total for the evening. Manzardo’s 2-run blast off Schmidt gave the Guards their first lead of the series. This would then allow Vogt to finally deploy his 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Cleveland, Ohio) that have proven to be lethal in innings 6 through 9.

In the 6th, both of Boone’s roster change decisions blew up in his gum chomping face. Berti booted a routine grounder, leading to Ian Hamilton being injured while awkwardly covering first. This then led to Tim Mayza entering the game and missing low on roughly 14 consecutive sliders. Trevino’s inability to control the run game led to a runner on third - and with the infield playing in, Gimenez was able to single on a soft a ground ball to give the Guards a 3–1 lead.

Boone got cute and played right into their small ballin’ hands. Be better.

On a night where the Yanks had just 3 hits through 7 innings, I had basically accepted the fact that they would go down quietly as they have in so many of these playoff losses. Clase was coming down the stairs to record 4 outs, the first of which being Aaron Judge — who had seemingly lost any sort of positive momentum he had from game 2 with a trio of terrible at bats earlier in the night.

His game-tying, 2-run, piss-missile sent me into complete euphoria. This is a game the Yankees have lost (and still would end up losing) so many times in past postseasons. But not this year, this is finally it. We’re going to win the World Series.

And then — Giancarlo tanks one off Clase to give the Yanks a 4–3 lead. I cackled as Vogt pathetically challenged whether Stanton missed the bag as he danced around the bases. This team was dead, we have killed them and they’ve decided to go out like total punks and I was savoring every second of it.

But baseball can be a funny game sometimes…

After being the backbone of every Yankee victory thus far, Luke Weaver would give up a 400-foot double followed by a 750-foot homer with 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth. Cleveland had done it, they’d played their Chief Wahoo Uno Reverse Card right in my stupid face and not only tied the game, but saved their season.

Clay Holmes would then get similar treatment in the bottom of the 10th, as David Fry tanked a game winner deep into the night.

If there is a silver lining to be found in getting walked off in devastating fashion — its that this loss wasn’t of the pathetic variety we’re so accustomed to. We mounted the epic comeback against their top guy and then our overtaxed bullpen finally got clipped. It definitely hurts knowing we should be up 3–0, preparing for a champagne shower later tonight — but at the same time, we saw our best players actually come up in the clutch for the first time this decade.

While that 8th inning will be forgotten by most, there should be a sense of optimism in the fact that we took a desperate team’s best punch and still have a golden opportunity to close out the series later this weekend. The whole identity of this Guardians team is using their bullpen to win games when they’re up after 5. We just blew that shit up in epic fashion because their pen is even more overworked than ours.

I’m glad Cleveland had their Hallmark moment to commemorate their 4th place season - but that shit ain’t happening 3 more times.

I fully expect this Yankees team to come back with a vengeance in game 4.

The Return of the King - Yankees vs Guardians (Game 3 Recap)

Is this it? Is this all you can conjure, Cleveland? While I fully expected to blow by you en route to the fall classic, I admittedly welcomed some sort of a fight. Where is the incredible defense? Where are the pesky at bats? Where is Emmanuel Clase?

After a pair of easy home victories, I don’t see how this Guardians squad even makes it to the first light on the fifth day.

I was under the impression this Bibee was an ace? Not only was I lied to, but I felt completely cheated watching this guy serve up meatballs like he’s Rizzo’s Nona. I know our first run was the product of a pop up bouncing out of Gimenez’s gold glove — but the second inning couldn’t have been more of a disaster for the Cleveland starter.

The bottom of the Yankee lineup added another run before loading the bases and sending Bibee to the showers after recording just 4 outs. We knew Vogt was going to lean on his pen in a pseudo “must-win”, but I seriously doubt he wanted to start this process in the 2nd inning. At 3–0, the stadium was absolutely rocking and it felt like a rout was on the horizon.

Unfortunately, this was not the case due to Gerrit Cole struggling once again. After escaping jams in the 3rd and 4th innings, Cole’s lack of command finally caught up with him in the 5th. Had it not been for Josh Naylor seemingly inventing a new strand of diabetes, he probably would have hit a series altering grand slam on a 2–0 cookie right down the middle. Nonetheless, the resulting sac fly and Cole’s 4th walk of the evening led to yet another premature exit for the “star” pitcher.

As much as I’d like to bitch and moan about a second terrible start for Cole, the reemergence of Clay Holmes turned out to be the prevailing narrative. The once disgraced closer cleaned up Cole’s mess and preserved the Yankee lead. Holmes has appeared in all 6 playoff games and has allowed just 3 hits and 2 walks in 6.2 scoreless innings. He deserves all the credit in the world for shutting out the noise and doing his damn job. Take notes Gerrit.

One of the nicer Yankee rallies of the postseason was marred by horrendous base running — however an Anthony Rizzo double and some heads up baserunning by Anthony Volpe gave the bombers a 4–2 lead through 6.

While the Staten Island creatures at the ballpark appreciated this celebration of Italian Heritage, I needed to see the big boys contribute to truly become my most ignorant, obnoxious self. Enter the captain, who had once again left a half dozen stranded in the early innings…

At that point, I was so scarred by Judge fly balls being caught by the centerfielder, that I barely reacted to this one off the bat. I had no faith in that ball carrying over the wall and when it did — I finally let out my first primal roar of these of these playoffs. Our captain had gotten the monkey off of his back and flung that bitch deep to right center.

The constant criticism of one of the greatest players I’ve had the luxury of rooting for was honestly starting to weigh on me. Earlier in the game, they intentionally walked the bases loaded to get to the AL MVP. In what world is this possible? Who the fuck do the Guardians think they are?

If this sign of disrespect serves as the catalyst for a Judgean heater in this series and more importantly — the next one, then I truly don’t see anyone stopping this team. Last night finally provided me with the last piece of evidence I needed to truly believe that a championship is a true possibility.

This series should by no means be returning to New York. Finish this team off and we’ll be here to welcome you back with open arms in the World Series.

We’re Not in Houston Anymore - Yankees vs Guardians (Game 1 Recap)

After taking down Kansas City in relatively undramatic fashion, the Yankees now face the Cleveland Guardians in the ALCS. Normally at this time, I’m absolutely terrified that Altuve will rip my heart out and use it as some sort of pitch indicator. Typically rage and hatred are my prevailing moods throughout a championship series and while that’s unfortunately will be absent this time around — I can definitely get used to seeing this slob in the 5-hole instead of Yordan Alvarez.

While the Yanks weren’t afforded their chance at redemption (vs Houston), Carlos Rodon was granted his. After making a total ass of himself in Game 2 of the DS, the prize of our 2023 free agent class finally added a signature start to his Yankee resume — tossing 6 innings of 1 run ball that included 9 punchies. Rodon’s slider yielded lethal results thanks to Cleveland’s lineup being both predominantly lefty…and not very good. It’s no secret — having this sweaty lunatic go deep into games is imperative if we’re going to win this damn thing. Tonight serves as one of this team’s most significant steps in the right direction.

On the flip side, I had to double take when I saw Alex Cobb was starting this game for the Guards. I had no idea this guy was still and the league — but I guess that’s not hard to miss when you throw 16 innings all season. Between the Dodgers deploying Tampa Bay tactics and Cobb being rolled out Game 1 — I guess I really don’t have much to complain about in terms of our starting rotation. This reminds me of the time the Twins trotted out that uber driver in the playoffs. I wonder whatever happened to that guy…

Anyways, the Yanks were able to jump on Cobb immediately. Knowing pitch count wasn’t going to be a factor, it was apparent that the approach was to swing early in the count and drive the ball up the middle. While this didn’t yield any runs in the first 2 innings, Soto got the scoring started with a solo shot to lead off the 3rd. Cobb then proceeded to walk the bases loaded before passing the baton to this incredible bullpen I’ve been hearing so much about.

I know this guy isn’t necessarily one of their “high leverage” arms, but this was one of the more hysterical bed wettings I’ve seen all postseason. Cantillo’s 4 consecutive wild pitches gave the Yanks a 3–0 lead in an inning where they mustered up one hit (a solo HR). Shout out to Naylor’s brother with the Gary Sanchez defense behind the dish as well. I hope to see plenty more of this duo as the series progresses.

A Judge sac fly and the daily “Playoff Stanton” homer gave the Yanks a 5–1 lead heading into the 8th. Some will say Boone got a little cheeky trying to sneak out the victory with Tim Hill, but I personally don’t hate trying to give the guys who carried you through the DS a little rest. But alas — a ground ball snuck under Rizzo’s glove and an odd interference play set the table for a cute little Guardians rally.

Jose Ramirez stepping in as the game tying run admittedly produced the night’s sole droplet of sweat. But then Dream Weaver turned out the lights once again with yet another 5-out save. While I don’t fully understand what he was going for with the Target bags, my sweet Luke can do no wrong as he continues to deliver night after night. I love him so fucking much.

I’m not quite arrogant enough to declare this series over just yet. However, I can’t say I was overly impressed with our top seeded counterparts. I know I sound like a broken record, but we haven’t even got big hits in these games and are still winning somewhat comfortably behind our pitching. I’m sure we can expect more out of Ramirez and the Cleveland pen but as it stands right now, I don’t see it being enough. We still have a week of games to go, but after last night’s performance I’m feeling more confident than ever that the Yanks will be playing in their first Fall Classic since 2009.

The Primetiming - Giants vs Bengals Recap

The Primetime variant of a New York Giants loss is as laughably unremarkable as it is unoriginal. My football team has seemingly perfected the craft of remaining within 1 score to keep you invested, despite repeatedly demonstrating throughout the night that the touchdown drive is never going to come.

I watch the same 3rd down incompletions, transition into the same 3 State Farm Commercials, for 3 and a half hours. The exhaustion from a long weekend sets in and I ultimately enter a lucid dream-like state, where I know my team is going to lose, but I can’t do anything to snap out of the trance and go to fucking bed. I then spend my Monday sleep-deprived, unable to accomplish anything productive aside from telling you all a story you’ve heard time and time again.

The game started with Burrow perfectly identifying a pressure package and turning a 3rd and 18 into a 47-yard house call. Don’t get me wrong - this felt like death. However, it was a broken coverage that marred an otherwise impressive first series for the defense. I still felt good about the offense being able to move the ball and fully welcomed an entertaining shootout to avoid the manic episode described above.

Well apparently the return of Sheldon Rankins and BJ Hill was enough to transform one of the league’s worst defenses into the ‘85 Bears. That - or they simply ran into Daniel Jones on a week where he’s unable to complete a pass more than 5 yards downfield (an every other game occurrence for the past 6 seasons).

It couldn’t have been more apparent that the offensive performance against Seattle was an anomaly that would not be replicated. The Slayton stick routes that led to countless 3rd down conversions a week ago, were being jumped all night by some of the whackest DB’s in the NFL. Cincy simply crashed down on the short game and was good enough against the run. When DJ wasn’t forcing 3rd and 3’s to a receiver wearing a Bengals Corner as a JanSport, he was throwing passes directly at BJ Hill - whom Dave Gettleman traded away for Billy fucking Price.

After Daniel Jones added yet another promising entry into his “worst INT of career” folder, you just never got the sense that the Giants were going to take a lead, no matter how long Burrow and company spun their tires. And that’s the most disappointing aspect of this game - we wasted a masterful effort from Shane Bowen and this Giants defense.

I know the Bengals have largely been a disappointment this season, but they’re coming off a game in which they threw for nearly 400 yards and 5 TDs. Absent Kayvon Thibodeaux - Azeez Ojulari, Brian Burns and the rest of the Giants defensive line were able to live in the Bengals backfield, effectively shutting down one of the league’s best passing attacks.

When Big Blue wasn’t adding to their league leading 26 sacks, rookies Tyler Nubin and Dru Phillips were flying in from the second level to generate TFL’s in the run game. These two have been overshadowed by the fantasy football prowess of Malik Nabers, but have been massive contributors to the defensive renaissance this team is experiencing. Few will remember this performance due to the end result, but the dominant pass rush and young, ever improving secondary are definitely the positive elements to take away from an otherwise miserable night spent with Cris Collinsworth.

Early in the 3rd quarter, Zac Taylor declined a 10-yard penalty following a 3rd down stop - leaving the Giants with a 4th and 2, rather than a 3rd and 20 had he accepted. Evidently triggered, Daboll went for it on 4th down from his own 38, despite his defense pitching a shutout outside the Burrow scramble. When yet another short pass attempt fell incomplete, a knot in my stomach formed as I began to imagine the lashings he’d receive from the media for his latest arrogant antics.

However, the defense would bail out the G-Men once more by forcing a fumble just 2 plays later. On the ensuing drive, the Giants would then put together their only impressive possession of the evening behind the physical running of Tyrone Tracy Jr. - who converted on a pair of 4th down runs before capping off the drive with a TD.

While the initial 4th down try felt like a child raging at an older sibling - I have to give Daboll credit, as the rash decision making did eventually pay off and kept the Giants in the game. As time goes on, I’ve grown to appreciate my coach’s balls more and more (wait…). I just long for the days where we have a quarterback that can justify his undying trust in his team…instead of one who throws to the only covered receiver on 4th downs.

A pair of late missed FG’s would add insult to the litany of other insults directed at this team for their latest Primetime failure. Despite the defense’s consistent improvements, we’re still not able to function as an offensive outside of the quick passing game. We remain at the mercy of a moderately mobile quarterback who does not have the ability to push the ball downfield. If that sounds familiar, it’s because you’ve either read this exact statement in previous blogs, or have seen me shirtless in Times Square shouting about this exact topic.

I want nothing more than to be positive about this team moving forward, but after 6 weeks it seems…

ALL WORK AND NO BIG PLAYS MAKE BILL A DULL BOY.

Closing Time - Yankees vs. Royals: Game 4 Recap

Some would say this series left a lot to be desired from a New York Yankee standpoint. While I understand the bats never got hot, and we failed to give these nerds the emphatic wedgie they deserve - I’m extremely pleased (as well as relieved) that we got through this series with relative ease, whilst seemingly coasting in neutral for its entirety.

Like I said in the preview - there were simply no excuses for Aaron Boone and company to not beat these AL Central Teams. We have the guys on the Forbes list, they have Tommy Pham. While we patiently await the Yanks to play their first complete game of these playoffs, there is solace to be taken that Thursday' Night’s closing effort was the best we’ve seen from the team thus far.

Before the crowd could finish their first “Let’s Go Royals!” chant of the evening, Gleyber Torres had lined a double into into the gap and was promptly driven in by the great Juan Soto. Credit to the KC faithful, the crowd was not taken out of the game by any means. However, the fast start granted me the luxury of loosening one strap off my adult diaper, as I calmly settled into Game 4.

Speaking of calm - the demeanor of Gerrit Cole tonight was absolutely hysterical. Its no secret, our ace is an absolute head case/weirdo. He was clearly jumpy and out of rhythm in the opener and decided to take the opposite approach in Game 4. Cole almost looked bored at times as he was calm, deliberate, and methodical in his approach.

It was wasn’t the 12 strikeout game you tell your kids about, but when the entire rotation fails to get through the 5th the first time around, 7 innings of 1 run ball might as well have been ecstasy.

Gleyber’s RBI single in the 5th put the Yanks up 2-0, while sending Michael Wacha down to Cancun in the process. The Royals then panic played their Erceg Card and were punished in the 6th, when Judge and Stanton provided us with the first “Bash Brother” combo of these playoffs.

I can’t say enough positive things about Stanton, who literally willed this offense to produce the few runs required to outscore this Royals team. Meanwhile Judge’s approach the past 2 games has looked impressive. He’s working walks, making good contact, and no longer chasing the off-speed garbage. The look of relief he had as he stood on 2nd base told me all I needed to know.

There’s no need to feel pressed Cap, we know the heater is coming.

I’ve scoured the internet looking for the name of the Royals player who initiated the lamest “benches clearing” incident in recent memory - but it seems he’s too irrelevant for the great Google to acknowledge. Oh well.

I’ll give the AAA’er credit - his temper tantrum over being tagged out did give the Royals a much needed offensive spark. Unfortunately for Kansas City, an offensive spark means 2-hit rally that nets their only run of the ballgame. Enjoy the offseason Michael Gomez - or whatever the fuck your name is.

From there - it was time for Clay Holmes and Luke Weaver to close the series out. For all the fans bellyaching about mediocre performances thus far - what do you have to say about this duo combining for 9.1 shutout innings, allowing just 5 hits and most importantly - just 1 walk?

These guys have been absolutely awesome and have made innings 7 through 9 as stress free as you could ever ask for in the heat of playoff baseball. They’ll need to continue their dominance as the opponents get stronger, but seemingly patching a massive hole in this roster is a tremendous sign moving forward.

I don’t know what I’ll miss less - Bob Costas’ dramatic retelling of the time when “Humpty Dumpty…sat on a wall” - or this crowd of farmers booing balls 2 feet out of the strike zone. Regardless it feels damn good to get these pre-postseason games out of the way.

Like anything worth achieving, it will only get more difficult from here. I appreciate each and every one of you for following along throughout this series - and hope you continue to do so as the Yankees’ journey continues.

Enjoy the off days and Lets Go Yankees.

Stanton get’s “Lucky” - Yankees Royals Game 3 Recap

Last night, I spent the entirety of my walk down 7th Ave with cheeks clenched, cringing at the thought of my beloved New York Yankees being eliminated by such an embarrassingly weak foe. This Royals team barely hits, walks 10 guys a night, and is seemingly triggered by the most benign piece of “bulletin board material” imaginable. It can’t happen. I won’t allow it and thankfully…Giancarlo Stanton wouldn’t allow it either.

While the Yanks hit several balls on the screws in the early innings, KC’s cornfield of a ballpark turned Yankee Stadium moonshots into lazy fly balls. In fairness, Clarke Schmidt was also a beneficiary of the park’s bounds as deep drives by Witt and permanent pest/creep - Yuli Gurriel, resulted in no significant damage early.

The game would remain tied after 3, thanks mainly due to a brutal missed call on a would-be RBI double by Gleyber Torres. I don’t know what’s worse, the moron standing 10 feet away that blew the call or the 18 jackasses who somehow imagined non-existent green pixels on their HD monitors.

The Yanks would eventually take their second 1-0 lead of the game in the 4th, when Giancarlo Stanton roped a ball into the gap to drive in Soto. Unfortunately, this is only what I believe to have happened - as the TBS broadcast continues to be directed by Michael Bay. I guess I should be grateful that they cut their live feed of George Brett scratching his balls to show the baseball game - but it would still be appreciated if we were able to witness runs being scored in a playoff game. Sincerely, America.

A Soto sacrifice fly would give the Yanks a 2-0 lead headed into the bottom of the fifth. While Clarke Schmidt delivered the best starting pitching performance for the Yanks this series (pretty much by default) - he unfortunately could not get through 5 innings. A 2 out rally that consisted of Volpe, Verdugo, and Soto going 0 for 3 on admittedly difficult plays resulted the pesky Royals tying the game at 2.

We were then graced with our first glimpse of Patrick Mahomes’ Brittany-like antics in his (1%) owner’s box. I wish his buddy socked him right in the fucking face, but I also admire the constraint - given this would’ve somehow cost the Giants 15 yards Sunday Night.

The Yankee bullpen continued to dazzle as they kept the game knotted at 2 while their offense unsuccessfully tried to walk themselves into a rally. It was at that point that Big G dealt what would prove to be the deciding blow.

Giancarlo has been the target of a ton of valid criticism throughout his New York tenure. He can’t move, he can’t play the field, he strikes out a ton, and most importantly - he can’t stay healthy. Cashman flat out said that injuries and IL stints “seem to be a part of his game now” and while this remains equally as frustrating as it is true - the guy is one of the only consistent playoff performers we’ve had over the past several seasons.

On a night where the vaunted Bronx Bombers managed just 4 hits, Stanton had 3 while driving in 2 of the team’s 3 runs. So next time some deli owner wants Trent Grisham in the lineup over a guy who still possesses game-wrecking power, tell him him to put the sandwich in the fucking bag.

While its fairly concerning that the Yankees haven’t played anywhere near a championship level, it is comforting to know that our C-Game is enough to get dubs against this KC squad. If we get literally anything out of Judge and Cole, game 4 shouldn’t be a contest. We’ve knocked off the rust, gotten our feet wet, its time to blow this team out and move on.

Close it out tonight. Go Yanks.

Lifeless and Dull Once Again - Yankees Royals Game 2 Recap

If you thought that Game 1 victory was uninspiring - wait til you get a load of the stuttering, pit-stained, guidance counselor pep-talk that was Game 2 of this series. This sort of lifeless offensive performance was all too familiar for anyone who has been following this team over the past 7 Octobers. And while some may call this game a “missed opportunity” to put the Royals away - the Yankees are “lucky” they’re not staring down the barrel of a 2-0 deficit, after being thoroughly outplayed twice at home.

When Rodon spent the top of the 1st maniacally laughing as he struck out the side - I really thought we were in for something special.

“Wow, this guy is like the anti-Cole. He brings the intensity DURING the postseason and will be the bulldog starter this team needs!”

Much to my dismay, the 7 shutout innings I had envisioned turned into 3.2 with 4 earned. After Salvy nuked a lazy 2-0 pitch into the cheap seats, Rodon completely imploded and fell victim to the typical Royals nonsense - singles, guys taking the extra base, hustle, and a much needed sense of desperation. This 4 run 4th inning was the entirety of the KC offense, but on a night where the bats were as dead as the majority of monument park - this cushion was more than satisfactory.

The saddest thing about this offensive dud is that Ragans wasn’t even particularly good. After walking the first 2 batters of the game, the Yanks were set up to blow the game open before Wheel of Fortune was over. Instead, we get another Judge strikeout, Wells following suit, and Stanton adding his 29th groundout of the series. In both games, the Yankees have been set up with 2 men on, no outs, in the bottom of the first. They have gone 0 for 6 and scored 0 runs in these innings.

Like I said in the series preview, Judge NEEDED to get off to a fast start before the lame stream media caught wind of the playoff numbers. Well…here we are with TBS flashing “All Time Playoff K%” graphics in a desperate attempt to get Costas to finish his story about George Brett’s gerbil.

While putting this game on Judge when the whole team isn’t hitting is probably a bit lazy - the fact of the matter is that 1st inning was m our best chance to score the entire game. You’re the captain. You’re the one who needs to set the tone in that moment. 1 for 7 with 2 walks just isn’t going to cut it. He needs to step up in Game 3 or these playoff struggles will sadly define an otherwise illustrious career.

The only bright spots this far are ironically the two things Yankee fans (myself included) were the most fearful of heading into the series. The Yankee bullpen twirled another 5.1 shutout innings to keep them in the game. While burning out the pen is an obvious concern, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how effective the Clay Holmes and Ian Hamiltons of the world have been.

After scold and Rodon’s respective meltdowns, I can’t emphasize enough how much of a blessing the off days are. The added rest should allow the pen arms to be in a position to close out games in KC, if we are able to get any sort of a lead.

Second - the defense at 1st base has been great. Jon Berti’s diving stop to turn an inning ending double play should have served as a far more significant moment than it ended up being. He also had one of the more productive approaches out of the 9 hole. He even gave Torres an opportunity to tie the game in the 9th, before Gleyber proceeded to roll said opportunity over to short on the first fucking pitch he saw.

So we have ourselves a series ladies and (mostly) gentlemen. The good news is - the Yankees have been in this position before and the Royals are still not a very good baseball team. The bad news is - Bobby Witt Jr. is probably due to make some sort of impact - and a guy who dominated you 3 weeks ago (Lugo) waits in the wings.

It turns out, the series we thought was a breeze was actually just the fart that proceeds a “shit your pants” 5 game set. I hope I’m wrong, but all signs point to seeing a repeat of this pitching matchup Saturday Night in the Bronx.

Are Brighter Days Ahead? - Giants Seahawks Recap

To be frank, this game didn’t feel like one that was even worth previewing. As much as I wanted to continue my schtick, (picking the Giants to pull out a victory, despite being outmatched across the board) it didn’t feel genuine. After all, I had just witnessed my team unsuccessfully attempt to field goal the Cowboys to death. Then, 4 days later I saw this Seahawks team amass 516 yards of offense against a legitimate contender. Without the 2 players responsible for 55% of the team’s total yards (Nabers and Singletary), no one in their right mind would expect the Giants to go into Seattle and leave with a win.

Not only did Big Blue pull off the massive road victory, but they might have fully restored my faith in the direction of this franchise in the process. As someone who has spent much of their adult life living well outside of their right mind…damn it feels good to be back.

When the 10 minute, 16 play, 79-yard opening drive ended with one of Eric Gray’s patented fumbles - I couldn’t help but laguh as the Seattle defender pranced 102 yards down the sideline. There aren’t many renderings of Sunday Hell that I hadn’t been exposed to. So at the time, I assumed this unique experience would serve as one of the few bits of joy and wonderment I’d feel as I watched my team plummet toward an insurmountable 1-4 start.

I’ll start by saying - it looked to me like Gray broke the plane. Unfortunately, Seattle must’ve blown their “facilities budget” buying new decibel counters to track the fake noise they pump into their “hostile environment” - rather than installing a single camera down the goal line. Instead of being provided with any conclusive evidence, I got a hard cut from commercial to the Seahawks lining up for the PAT. Don’t worry hawks fans, you’ll be getting your referee karma shortly.

This catastrophic start turned out to be the best thing for the Giants, as it resulted in Gray renewing his lease in the doghouse, while allowing Tyrone Tracy Jr. to emerge as the lead back. Tracy’s 18 carries for 129 yards set the tone for the Giants offense and allowed them to stay on schedule without the security blanket of Malik Nabers. Most importantly, there were no negative plays and he held onto the fucking ball. Personally, I’ve seen enough and want the rookie to remain the lead back, even when Singletary returns. Given that Brian Daboll is also an offensive mastermind, I assume he and I will share this belief.

This dominant rushing attack led to all sorts of positives in the passing game. Extra men in the box and a ton of 3rd and manageable’s helped Daniel Jones have one of the best games of his career. Not only was he truck sticking dude’s on QB keepers, but he continued to execute the quick passing game well and most importantly - finally connected on a pair of perfectly placed deep balls to his old pal; Darius Slayton.

Much like Jones, Slayton has pissed me off a ton throughout his career. He shows flashes, but seemingly always drops the big pass in the crucial situation. However, he deserves a ton of credit for stepping up as the WR1 Sunday (8 REC, 122 YDS, TD) while battling apparent injuries himself.

Slayton was the main contributor for those fluffed deep passing metrics DJ boasted early in his career. Aside from the recent emergance of Nabers, he’s been the only weapon Jones has ever had real chemistry with. It goes without saying that if we want this passing game to truly hit its ceiling (probably about 10 feet), Slay will have to be on the receiving end of the deep shots, while Malik is blanketed in the other levels of the field.

While this offensive formula led to domination both in time of possession and total yardage, it only tells half of story. After Sunday’s shit kicking in the trenches, it is apparent to me that we once gain have a dominant pass rush and more importantly - an actual identity.

It all starts with Dexter Lawrence - who should have a legitimate shot at Defensive Player of the Year. If he is not double teamed, he simply rams whatever guard/center is “blocking” him into the quarterback’s lap. With Aaron Donald gone, tell me another interior DL who is recording 3 Sacks, 2 TFL, 4 QB Hits on a regular basis. He is the best in the game right now and it needs to be known.

Burns and KT are also starting to really hit their stride. While their stats don’t quite compare to Sexy Dexy, the eye test shows pockets collapsing from all angles as they close in on their prey. This sort of pass rush simply wrecks gameplans and has the ability to prevent even the most potent of offenses from functioning. This obviously works best with a lead, but seeing this group lead the NFL in sacks through 5 weeks is as positive a sign as any that this team can eventually reach a level at which they can play with the league’s truly elite teams.

Now don’t get me wrong - this game got way sweatier than it needed to be. This is a still a young team, that hasn’t done a whole lot of winning. We need to get better at closing out games, especially those in which we dominate from start to near finish. Offensively, we’re still plagued by drops on key 3rd down conversions. Defensively, the man defense we ran at the end of both halves allowed Geno Smith to run freely into field goal range. But how about the special teams deciding to close the show in dramatic fashion?

Trust me, I’ve seen the senseless debates about whether “Simmons jumped over the center or the A Gap” and whether or not its legal to move players to create said gap. Quite frankly, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. We’ve been so behind the curve on Special Teams for decades and if we were able to somewhat exploit any sort of loophole, that’s great to hear. Plus - we got banged on a 102-yard TD return earlier in the game. Go sit outside in the rain you green face painted fucks.

More than anything, this game made me come to the realization that the Giants have legitimately outplayed a majority of their opponents thus far. We’re seeing improvements each week and the upcoming schedule that looked daunting in the pre-season suddenly has opponents that are more than mortal.

This team is developing before our eyes, with young pieces stepping up, and strengths beginning to form. While I still may be 2-3 wins away from thinking Super Bowl - I am once again confident in this team pushing for a playoff spot (possibly the division).

Unlikely Heroes to the Rescue - Yankees Royals Game 1 Recap

You come at the king, you best not miss…especially when said king spent the entire night throwing up all over themself. The Yankees put on a Weird Al-esque parody performance of their past playoff failures, making every variety of mistake possible over the course of the game’s 9 innings. Despite this, the bombers escape New York with a hard fought, well-earned, victory in game 1 of the ALDS. Let’s get into it.

Despite only allowing 3 ER in 5+ innings, make no mistake about it - Gerrit Cole was terrible tonight. The first two AB’s of the game featured Massey drilling a first pitch fastball to the track and Witt lacing a gapper that Judge was miraculously able to track down. This trend would continue as the entirety of the Royals mediocre lineup barreled balls throughout the evening.

I know its been roughly 3,000 “Billy Crystal delays” since his last start - but Cole simply has to be better. Had it not been for Soto gunning down tubby Perez at the plate (extremely questionable send), the aforementioned Judge play, and a sliding catch by Verdugo (more on him later) - the damage would’ve likely reached a level the Yanks wouldn’t be able to walk around the bases to overcome.

Offensively, the Yanks left a small colony of runners on base (2/11 RISP). Unfortunately, Judge remains at the forefront of this issue, as the KC staff continued to effectively deke him with the changeup. When Bob Costas stops rambling about his favorite type of soup to talk about Judge’s postseason OPS, you know we may have an issue on our hands. I have too much love and respect for the man to trash him after one game, but definitely hope he can put an end to this narrative before it gets out of hand (i.e. A-Rod mid 2000’s).

On the flip side, I’m rapidly losing faith in Giancarlo Stanton contributing anything to this team moving forward. First, he was unable to score on a double that bounced off a dude’s face. Then, with a chance to drive in the go-ahead run in the 6th, he fails to beat out a grounder in which the 3rd baseman was belly down for an actual eternity. He’d better nuke one into the seats soon, because a DH taking 2 runs off the board due to his elderly grandmother mobility is just unacceptable.

But it wasn’t all bad offensively. Gleyber Torres had by far the best approach against Michael Wacha. His 2-run porch job gave the Yanks a 2-1 lead in the 3rd, and his 2nd walk led to the inexplicably dumb decision to pull Wacha after just 4 innings.

From there, the Yanks strung together a series of strong AB’s against the KC pen - who proceeded to miss the strike zone for the next hour. This carousel rally gave the Bronx Walkers a lead once more, as the game entered a bullpen phase that Yankee fans were dreading.

Tim Hill came in relief of the ineffective Cole and produced a would-be inning ending DP ball. However, Volpe proceeded to launch the ball into right field, leading to the tying and go ahead runs scoring on a single with the infield playing in.

Similar sequences have cost the Yankees games throughout the season and at the time - it felt like this one would be the deciding factor. Why is it that Oswaldo Cabrera, playing his first innings at 1st base is the only one I trust in this infield? Ground balls can’t continue to be a circus act. Especially with a bullpen that welcomes soft contact.

Austin Wells produced one of the Yanks 2 hits with RISP to tie the game with an RBI single in the 6th. Then, after receiving a gift from the video review gods, Alex Verdugo was able to drive in Jazz Chisholm for the eventual game winner.

Listen, I’m well aware there was probably enough to overturn the Jazz call at second. But Royals fans crying foul play can shove the 47 flags Mahomes will draw on Sunday right up their asses. How about your pen doesn’t put 10 guys on in 4 innings? Bozos.

Meanwhile, the Yankees bullpen was…incredible? Shout out to Clay Holmes - who was the victim of tons of (warranted) hate over the past few months. The ex-closer tossed 1.2 shutout innings when the game was seemingly in the balance, and was the eventual winning pitcher of record.

Luke Weaver then closed the show with a 4-out save - which included an epic showdown with Bobby Witt Jr. in the 9th. Witt’s father looked on as Weaver proved to be his son’s new daddy, making him his 3rd strikeout victim on the night.

While this game was far from perfect - you gotta be somewhat happy that the Yanks were able to secure the dub despite their stars pissing down their legs. While shotty defense and inconsistent pitching remains a concern, there is something to be said about the trio of Gleyber, Holmes, and Verdugo serving as massive contributors toward a winning effort.

All week, the narrative was whether or not the bullpen and bottom of the lineup could do enough for the Yanks to go on a deep playoff run. Welp - they did their part Saturday. Now we need our big boys to show up as 2 Cy Young Candidates loom in the distance.

2024 New York Yankees Playoff Preview

After starting 45-19 and going 49-49 since - this Yankees season has been the most frustrating and confusing thing I’ve experienced since the final episodes of Lost. While I’m still trying to figure out if Jack, Kate, and Aaron Boone have been dead all along - the Yankees season is currently alive and well. The chase for 28 begins this Saturday against (checks notes) the Kansas City Royals.

I’ll start by saying that anything short of an AL pennant is unacceptable. I fully understand that this team has been the poster child for inconsistent play and has their fair share of flaws - but so does the rest of the MLB (hence our miraculous 1 seed). This is especially true for the trio of bummy squads that stand between the Yanks and a World Series appearance.

Just about the only thing this team has accomplished since 2009 is consistently beating inferior AL Central opponents in the playoffs. So what better time to end this championship drought than a year where the Royals, Guardians, and Tigers make up the remainder of the AL’s Final Four?

Much like Chris Farley, this lineup is comically top-heavy. But with Judge and Soto serving as the proverbial belly, you gotta believe that this series plays out a lot more like Tommy Boy than Beverly Hills Ninja. The duo just completed the greatest regular season by two teammates since Ruth and Gehrig (99 HR, 253 RBI, 250 R, 262 BB, 18.7 WAR) and we’ll need them to continue to carry this offense against an admittedly strong KC staff.

Soto seemingly lives for these moments (see nut-grab v. Verlander at 19), so I’m not the least bit worried about a late season slump in meaningless games. Meanwhile, Aaron Judge’s postseason struggles will sadly become a narrative if the Yankees once again fall short this October. Don’t get me wrong - I’d literally die for this man. His regular season stats alone have already landed him a reservation in Monument Park, but he NEEDS a signature October run to cement himself as an all-time Yankee.

The real question is - who else aside from these 2 guys is going to step up? Gleyber has been much better since he fell backwards into winning back the leadoff spot. But despite his decent postseason numbers, he still ranks below Olive Garden seafood in terms of things I trust.

“Playoff Giancarlo” is a fun nickname, but the monicker is purely based off a COVID series against the Rays (which we lost) and a pair of shots off the monster in the 2021 Wild Card (which we also lost). Not this year. I’m refusing to rely on the failures of years past and going to ride with a new horse.

I can’t lie - I was skeptical as hell of this guy when he came over at the deadline. I don’t know if it was the name, the 47 bracelets, or the fact he played for the Marlins - but I didn’t think for a second that Jazz Chisholm would add anything to a team that was in a total tailspin at the time. On top of being thrust into a new defensive position, Jazz hit big homer after big homer in his first few games with the Yanks. His speed on the bases, left handed bat, and willingness to win made me finally appreciate the swag/aura that all the 4th graders in the LLWS try to emulate. I know he’s been “mid” since coming back from injury - but Jazz is one of the few guys (outside of Judge and Soto) I can picture coming up huge in a critical moment this postseason.

We’ll likely need a number of huge “come from behind” moments both in this series and (hopefully) beyond. While I like the makeup of the starting rotations - Cole (very good except vs. Mets and Sox), Rodon (he has 16 wins?), Gil (ROY despite that neck tat), with Schmidt ready for disaster relief - this Yankees team doesn’t do anything else right in terms of run prevention.

Let’s start with the defense. I have no clue what the plan is at first base, but every Yankee fan with a functioning brain (roughly 59% of the fanbase) knows damn well that a missed scoop is going to lead to some unearned runs at some point down the line. Thanks to Rizzo’s latest plate crowding related injury, we’re left with Ben Rice (horrid aside from a 3 HR dicking of the Sox), Jon Berti (forgot this guy was on the team), and Old Yeller aka the corpse of DJ Lemahieu.

Whoever ends up there, I’m fully expecting a 1 for 15 from this series. So my vote is purely based upon whoever can properly field the position. Unfortunately, I was violently removed from the premises during my latest attempt to camp under the bleachers and spy on the Yanks fielding grounders, so I don’t have much insight as to who wins the job. Based on recent history, I assume Boone will use some combination of lefty/righty splits and stats against Seth Lugo in little league - rather than the guy who can handle the skipping stones Gleyber and Jazz will be pelting them with.

Then there’s the pending crisis in left field. After months of public outcry - Boone and Cashman finally relieved Alex Verdugo of his duties in favor of the prematurely crowned - Jasson Dominguez. After that rat bastard/Boston double-agent set the offensive bar lower than his .228 batting average in the second half, Dominguez pretty much just needed to get 2 hits and keep looking cute to secure the job. That of course was assuming he wasn’t in the midst of his Andujar/Clint Frazier defensive arc.

My gut feeling is to play the Martian and add “lazy fly balls to left” to the laundry list of “moments that can/will cause cardiac arrest”. If we’re leading in the later innings, I definitely welcome the defensive replacement of Verdugo - but would strongly oppose him being the everyday starter. The potential 7-9 “black hole” consisting of Volpe, INSERT 1B HERE, and Dugie will neuter our offense - and something tells me we’re going to need to score some runs if we want to make a any sort of noise this postseason.

That’s mainly because this bullpen scares the hell out of me. To put things in simplistic/douchebag terms - You’d marry Luke Weaver, fuck Kahnle and Hill (maybe Hamilton if you’re drunk), and kill the rest of these guys. Homes and Leiter have been putrid and I literally expect any lead to evaporate the second the camera shows either warming up. The sad part is both are most likely locks to make the postseason roster because this pen is that bad. I’m praying for some good news on Jake Cousins, otherwise the end of these games are going to be total clown fiestas.

So buckle up Yankee fans. Despite the cards falling about as well as humanly possible, this is probably the most defective iteration of a team we’ve taken into the playoffs in quite some time. Can they get it done? Of course. We have the star power, home field advantage, and our 3 potential opponents can’t hit for shit. Don’t get me wrong - Bobby Witt Jr. is an absolute freak. But I’m sorry - when you have the entire state of Missouri praying for Vinnie Pasquantino and his .761 OPS to get healthy and provide a spark, your offense is cooked.

To quote Aaron Boone - “Everything we want to accomplish is right in front of us”. For once, this coach speak nonsense is completely true. Despite their warts, the 2024 Yankees have an incredible opportunity to reclaim their seat atop the baseball world.

I don’t care how. There are no excuses. Take care of business. Beat this team.

Yanks in 4

Giants v. Cowboys - Week 4 Recap

Just as I was adding the finishing touches to my preview blog, I received a text from my boy JP. Typically, these workday messages are ramblings about which quarterback we should draft, a random memory about the 2007/2011 teams, or a shitty anime recommendation. But on this day, he came bearing gifts. He had secured a pair of tickets to the Cowboys game and wanted his favorite troll blogger to tag along.

Me and JP share a lot of similarities in terms of our fandom. After a loss, we’re inconsolable, declare the season to be over, and want every individual responsible filing for unemployment that Monday. Then, by the time gameday comes around, we’re full confident that the Giants will be able to pull off some sort of upset to right the ship and begin our playoff push. So it’s safe to say that following a victory - we stormed MetLife ready to fucking dominate.

Much to my chagrin - we did not dominate.

It turns out, we’re the only team unable generate a run game against this Dallas front. 24 rushes for 26 yards against the worst rushing defense in the league is both a complete embarrassment and a product of Zimmer loading the shit out of the box on a down in, down out basis.

Dallas was able to get away with this nonsense because they’ve watched nearly as much Daniel Jones as we have - and know damn well the guy physically cannot push the ball downfield in any sort of capacity. Don’t get me wrong - he was extremely efficient and his consistency in completing short passes without the luxury of any sort of rushing attack, kept us in this game. But the fact of the matter remains - this bullshit dink and dunk offense will never lead to consistent victories.

We owned the time of possession, out gained Dallas, and would have finally beat this fucking team if any one of our 5 field goal drives resulted in a touchdown. I’m so damn tired of throwing short of the sticks on 3rd down and praying for YAC. To be frank, I’m tired of being in 3rd down in general. We’re incapable of creating any explosive plays, no matter how weak of a defense we’re facing.

The excuse for years is that we didn’t have the pass protection or receivers to run an actual NFL offense. Well now we seemingly have both, yet we’re 2/14 on passes that travel 20+ air yards. You can cry about play calling all you want - but I have an aching suspicion the coaching staff saw that dying duck to Slayton (on a free play I might add) more times than once this summer. Hence the decision to implement an offense that keeps you in close games, and works for the quarterback you were unable to replace in the most recent draft.

People will point to the Wan’Dale drop, Nabers not getting his feet in, and Darius Slayton…being Darius Slayton - but even with these conversions, there is no guarantee these are touchdown drives by any means. 2 plays later, we’d be sitting in yet another 3rd and 6, praying DJ hits a receiver in perfect stride so they can break a tackle and dive for the first.

It’s just too damn hard to score with this formula. You need 20 of these plays to be executed to perfection in order to find the end zone. Meanwhile a sack or phantom face mask penalty completely derails a drive. Daniel Jones has executed the gameplan perfectly in 3 consecutive weeks and the results have been 3 coin flip games against non-playoff teams. You see what happens when Josh Allen plays a perfect game? He’s wearing a baseball cap the entire 2nd half.

Shout out to the defense - who was clearly outmatched on the outside, but came up with several key stops while holding an objectively strong offense to just 20 points. The big play to Lamb is a killer, but again - that’s what real offenses are able to do. If we’re able to make one big play of our own, the tone of this blog is a lot more positive than the total apathy you’re reading.

At some point, the “we should be 2-2 or 3-1” talking point is just bullshit. We are what we are - an average defense with a pass rush that works great when you’re ahead - but is hamstrung by an offense that unsuccessfully tries to paper cut its opponents to death.

I assume this play style will continue to yield one possession games against the league’s mediocrity (see the Dallas Cowboys) - but shouldn’t we want more at this point? Does Mara see the army of wannabe rednecks and cholos that invade our slinky looking stadium every year? It’s a total embarrassment and I just can’t bring myself to believe in this iteration of Giants football any longer.

That is - until I receive this text from JP next Saturday:

“Seattle hasn’t played anyone, plus we’re on 10 days rest”

Giants v. Cowboys - Week 4 Preview

During the NFL Season, my Monday mornings are typically all the same. I walk into the office, exchange quarter-hearted “good mornings” with my colleagues who don’t care about football (literal psychopaths) and am then promptly greeted by the IT guy three seats down.

“You watch the games yesterday?”

Yes Ricardo, of course I watched the fucking games yesterday. This shit is my oxygen. I haven’t stopped thinking about football since I got done watching 10 hours of football, 9 hours ago. But hey - now that you mention it - I can’t think of a better way to spend the first 5 minutes of my day than explaining to you - why the Giants lost, in the simplest terms possible.

But not this week - on Victory Mondays I cartwheel down the aisle of dusty computers, donning my lucky (yet to generate luck) Giants socks, execute a perfect dismount and ask Ricardo if HE saw Big Blue put a beat down on INSERT MEDIOCRE TEAM. For the next five days, I get to walk around the office with a puffed chest and my neck/chin at a permanent obtuse angle, giving smug looks to anyone who wants one. I AM A WINNER AND EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW! Us Giants fans know these moments are limited and that next Sunday is inevitable, so we’re well accustomed to savoring every last drop of this feeling for the entirety of the work week.

That is, unless Jeff Bezos bends you over like one of his factory staff and puts your ass back to work on short rest.

The Cowboys dominance over the Giants is well documented. Dallas has won 6 straight and 13 of the last 14 contests - with the lone Giant victory coming against Andy Dalton (currently kind of a flex). Unfortunately for the G-Men, this 7 year stretch of ass beatings is trumped by a more alarming streak. The Giants have not won on Thursday Night Football since 2015.

Year after year we’re forced to participate in this watered down, bullshit product and get embarrassed in front of millions of Amazon Prime Subscribers. Whether it be the infamous DJ face plant/Engram drop against Philly, Dex lining up “offside” to negate a game winning “Football Team” shank, or last year’s 49ers debacle - we ALWAYS play terribly on this cursed night. I’ve seen this episode so many times before - and it always ends up with me staying up way past my bedtime, only to be stuck plodding into work the next day to get my second earful of the week from fucking Ricardo.

But let’s be honest - this Dallas team is beatable! The Cowboys are on the proverbial ropes after being dog walked in consecutive weeks. Meanwhile, the Giants are coming in red hot after playing a good half, then holding on for dear life against the vaunted Cleveland Browns! The time to break both of these curses and get back in the division race is now!

Aside from Dexy, the Giants are admittedly paper thin on the interior D-Line. We probably should’ve known the Dallas run-D would struggle when they were seen begging on a corner in Paterson, shaking a a soup can and 6th rounder for Jordan Phillips - a player who was in the process of losing his job the great DJ Davidson and UDFA Elijah Chatman. The Cowboys have allowed 464 yards on the ground the past two weeks. They’re allowing big chunks on early downs and the Zimmer led defense clearly lacks the discipline seen in the Dan Quinn iterations that tortured us for so many years.

And that’s really the biggest thing headed into this game. We have an easy out to avoid Micah Paraons and the horrifying pass rush by simply handing the ball to Devin Singletary - whose advanced metrics look more like Adrian Peterson than that loser down I-95.

This might seem like an oversimplification but it’s worked flawlessly the past two weeks - just ask anyone with Kamara or Derrick Henry on their fantasy team. And trust me - I really want Nabers to do the machine gun celebration in Diggs’ face too - but the name of the game will be time of possession, ball control (please stop fumbling), and finishing drives with 7 (I still don’t know who the fuck is kicking).

While I’ve finally gotten over my fear of Micah Parsons (mainly because he’s not lining up against Evan Neal), another boogeyman still exists. Dak Prescott has won 12 straight against the Giants while tossing 26 TDs and just 6 INTs in that span. When everyone else gets to laugh at Dak choke in the playoffs, I usually sit confused, wondering why I never see him make these boneheaded mistakes against my team.

The Giants pass rush has gotten statistically fat off of a pair of weak offensive lines the past two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see them playing well, but am also well aware that generating pressure against this offensive line and a quarterback who knows what he’s doing is a totally different task. Ideally, we’re able to exploit the two rookies (Guyton and Beebe), but if not…

This guy is going to be an absolute nightmare to cover. Adoree Jackson and promising rookie Dru Phillips will both miss Thursday Night with calf injuries - so that leaves Deonte Banks with the task of shadowing one of the league’s best receivers. The Giants chose to neglect the secondary in both the draft and free agency, largely because this regime assumed the 2nd year player could elevate his game to that of a CB1. Unfortunately, Banks has had a rough go against the league’s elite receivers and Lamb provides yet another difficult challenge for him.

I also don’t know if the Giants plan on having Banks follow CeeDee into the slot. If he does - I’m not confident in the rest of the secondary holding their own against Cooks and whatever tight end Dallas decides will get 80 yards. If he doesn’t - I fear for whatever sick, twisted things Lamb will do to Cor’Dale Flott and co.

As you can probably tell, I’m taking the over in this one. I don’t think either defense will have consistent success due to the respective “glaring weaknesses” of each. It could very well end up being a “whoever has the ball last” type of game - that Dallas seemingly always wins and we unfortunately lose…

But much like Germany, I’m choosing to throw out all the shameful, embarrassing history. The Giants finally kill the boogeyman tonight.

Giants 27, Cowboys 24

Giants v. Browns - Week 3 Reaction

It sure wasn’t pretty - but when you’re the laughingstock of the league, style points are both hard to come by and completely unnecessary. The bleeding has stopped, jobs have been (temporarily) saved, and the circus finally ended its 2-week residency in North Jersey to return its rightful place in Cleveland, Ohio. For the first time this season, your New York Football Giants have won a football game.

This afternoon got off to a comically bad start for the G-Men. Eric Gray aka “Muff Daddy” fumbled the opening kickoff and Deshaun Watson found Amari Cooper for a 24-yard score just 6 seconds into the contest. By the time I finished preparing my signature Sunday cocktail containing roughly 3 parts bleach, 1 part vodka, the Giants offense had already gone 3 and out - and Danny had just delivered his latest dime to the opposing team.

Just as I was raising the martini glass to my lips, a yellow “flag” symbol flashed across FOX’s scoreboard. Much like his political namesake, Governor Greg Newsome had given the broken, stinky, bum Giants a new lease on life - by committing an egregious roughing the passer penalty to wipe away the would-be turnover. From that moment on (well…at least in the first half), the Giants finally lived up to my delusional pre-season expectations.

The basis of my 10-win fan fiction centered around a dominant defensive front and enough improvements on the offensive line to allow our middling quarterback to successfully force feed Malik Nabers. Nabers was unbelievable in this game as his number was called in virtually every crucial situation. 1st and 10? Easy 6-yard pitch and catch. 4th and 1? End around to move the sticks. And most importantly - goal to go? How about a pair of leaping touchdown grabs to not only neutralize the initial Cleveland burst, but to give the G-Men a 14-point lead heading into the half.

As much as I wanted to dig deep into the SAT-prep book for superlatives to describe the rookie’s impact, I’ve simply settled on alpha dog. “Leek” not only has the elite talent, but the swagger and aura to match. Not since the late, great Odell Beckham Jr. have the Giants had a playmaker of this quality (that means you too bird-boy). He has completely transformed an anemic offense into one capable of sustaining long drives by challenging defenses at all 3 levels.

Through 3 games, Nabers leads the league in receptions (23), is tied for the league lead in TD’s (3), and is 4th in receiving yards (271). After picking in the top 10 for seemingly all of the last decade, it appears we’ve finally secured a true, blue-chip prospect to build around - as this team hopes to continue its long trek toward relevancy in the coming years.

While the OROY frontrunner will surely dominate the headlines, the Giants 3 Touchdown drives would have stalled without the help of some perfectly executed screens. Daboll definitely deserves some credit for installing a quick passing gameplan to neutralize the Cleveland pass rush, but I have absolutely no idea how/why Stefanski and Schwartz allowed DJ to get the ball to his RB’s in space so easily, and so frequently. It really makes you wonder how this dink and dunk gameplan was so effective today, after failing time and time again in 2023.

Bricillo’s O-Line deserves a boatload of praise for not only providing ample time for DJ to check the ball down, but for blocking downfield, and absolutely mauling in the run game as well. After this showing against a strong Cleveland front, I’m confident that the days of gameplans being completely wrecked by opposing pass rushes are finally behind us. We’re obviously still limited by our quarterback, but no longer will I enter games with the expectation that my team is physically incapable of scoring 20 points. This extremely low base line of offensive competency is all I’m really asking of this Giants team, especially if our defense is able to replicate this type of performance.

In the NFL Gods’ latest twist of irony - it was Deshaun Watson who spent much of his day extremely uncomfortable, and in constant duress. Shane Bowen thankfully lit last week’s game script on fire and decided to blitz the living shit out of this creep (5+ rushers on 57% of snaps) and the results were astonishing. Dex, Kayvon, Burns, and even Azeez Ojulari lived in the Browns’ backfield leading to 8 sacks, 4 QB hits, and 19 pressures.

Like the weird kid stuck playing the triangle, the Cleveland run game was also never able to get into any sort of rhythm. This led to obvious passing situations and allowed the Giants to deploy additional pass rushers at will. It quickly became apparent that Watson no longer likes playing from behind.

Unfortunately, the Giants were unable to put this game on ice in the second half. For the second straight week, a Singletary fumble ended a promising 3rd quarter drive. Meanwhile Daniel Jones was extremely inaccurate for much of the half, missing Wan’Dale on a big 3rd down and a wide-open Nabers for a potential score. Jones then lofted a dying duck from his own end zone late in the game that could (should) have been intercepted.

At that point, Daboll’s faith in his quarterback’s ability to simply not blow the game had wavered. So much so, that after a 4th down stop - the Giants were forced to turtle with a trio of cowardly run plays, leading directly to the newest member of the kicking carousel; Greg Joseph shanking the shit out of a game-sealing field goal.

The defense would come up with one final stop, thanks in part to a brutal drop by Cedric Tillman on a would-be 4th down conversion. Again, it was far from perfect but given that I’ve seen this team lose this exact game a dozen times, I’m willing to toss this one into the learning experience/building block category.

There is undoubtedly a lot to clean up moving forward - but seeing the mold of this team start to take form is a complete breath of fresh air (something that’s pretty hard to come by in Cleveland). If we continue to see this dominant of a pass rush, paired with the development of a top young playmaker, our Sundays will stop being the misery filled torture sessions we’ve grown so accustomed to.

Time will tell whether or not Big Blue is able to build on any of these positives against teams that aren’t in their “dumpster fire” phase. Unfortunately, we’ll have wait another week to test this theory with Dallas coming to town this Thursday Night.

Giants v. Browns - Week 3 Preview

With Dallas and Philly each suffering embarrassing losses, while Washington remains a perennial embarrassment - the Giants somehow find themselves a fluke victory away from remaining “in the hunt” for the division title. Sure it’s more “Easter Egg Hunt hosted by the School for the Blind” than “Predator II” - but it’s a hunt nonetheless, and I want a basket god damnit!

How about we stop being a joke of a franchise for just one Sunday? Is that too much to ask? Probably so - but it’s my job (useless hobby) to convince you otherwise!

Last Sunday, Daniel Jones ended his year-long end zone dry spell with a bang - by torching the Commanders for 2 Touchdowns and 178 yards! The question on everyone’s mind is whether or not DJ can replicate this “success” against a defense that consists of actual NFL players. The short answer is “absolutely fucking not”.

Jim Schwartz is one of the best Defensive Coordinators in the business and has been for quite some time. On top of that, Cleveland has the reigning defensive player of the year lining up against an offensive line that Giants fans should know better than to crown after a couple of decent showings. While Garrett is currently hobbled by a botched surgery he had as a child (not a joke) and the unit as a whole is pretty banged up, Cleveland’s scheme still does a good enough job disguising its looks to have our simple minded quarterback confused once more.

Unlike the “baby poo” soft scheme of…I don’t know…Shane Bowen? Cleveland positions a majority of their players right at the line of scrimmage. They aim to take away any sort of quick passing game and trust Garrett and company to get home on anything that’s long developing. If the Giants attempt to spam the short/intermediate passing game, they’re going to run into a lot of trouble as Owusu-Koramoah and Delpit are instinctual playmakers who will identify your trends and jump these routes as the game develops.

On top of that - I think the cat is out of the garbage bag regarding Malik Nabers’ elite ability after the catch. The crossing routes and quick hitches that worked the week prior will now draw a ton of attention - and Daboll will need to be creative in getting his best playmaker touches on Sunday. Who else can step up on this offense when Cleveland inevitably decides to take Nabers away? Building on their strong rushing performance is absolutely essential. Whether this be via Singletary or the Jones read option, we need to find success in the early downs to avoid the 3rd and longs we have zero chance of converting.

How about any semblance of a deep passing attack? While Daniel Jones seemingly prefers targeting the turf on go-routes, maybe Slayton or Hyatt (assuming he sees the field) might be worth a shot? Without big plays, the Giants will be lucky to settle for 3’s against Cleveland - and while we do have a kicker on this week’s roster, if we’re banking on Greg Joseph going 7 for 7 to keep the season alive, our goose is sadly cooked.

On the other side of the ball lies serial sex predator - Deshaun Watson. His struggles in the court room and on the football field are well documented, as the Browns continue to regret their $230m deal with the Hand & Stone devil. The Browns offense has converted 4 of 29 3rd downs this season. Deshaun Watson has avoided litigation on 4 of 29 sexual assault charges. Watson’s two town ACL’s prevent him from running and his shotty rotator cuff prevent him from throwing - yet he is still somehow a better football player than human being. Fuck this guy.

Unfortunately for the G-Men, they seemingly can’t stop anyone on defense. Ideally they’d be able to capitalize on Watson’s inability to play quarterback at an NFL level, but they simply haven’t shown an ability to cover passes downfield and more importantly - stop the run. Despite their shortcomings on offense, the combo of Jerome Ford and D’Onta Foreman has averaged 4.5 yards per carry. If their 2-time coach of year is smart, Stefanski will lean on the rushing attack, especially when Dex is off the field. From there, the Browns will be able to stay ahead of the sticks and take some weight off the bum shoulder of their convict quarterback.

The most likely outcome here involves a lot of Jamie Gillian punts, 18 minutes time of possession, and the Drew Lock truthers re-emerging from their frat house basements. Is there a world where the Giants are able to win a rock fight against this Cleveland team? Sure - but we need God to not only exist, but to also inflict his most violent version of Karma on Watson and the Browns.

Give me J. Christ and Dabes here.

Giants 19 Browns 17