Giants v. Commanders - Week 2 Preview
The New York Giants spent much of Week 1 as the league’s punching bag. It began with Saquon Barkley having a predictably strong Eagles debut - which prompted every bum with a twitter account to snag their parents’ HBO login and spam the plethora of freezing cold takes Schoen and Mara willingly provided via Off-Season Hard Knocks. Then of course, the Giants had their turd-brown khakis pulled down around their ankles in front of 82,000 (reluctantly) adoring fans.
Ugly Daniel Jones stats circulated the web and the approval rating for the current regime reached an all-time low - thanks in part to every hack TV host and shitty/amateur blogger smelling blood in the Hudson River water.
But alas - the New York Giants received a gift from the schedule making gods in the form of one of the most “get up off the mat” games imaginable. A team that put forth an equally embarrassing effort, is arguably even more bereft of talent, and one which I’ve watched my football team dominate since infancy (32-14-1 since 2000). I’d like to introduce you to the ever disastrous, constantly dysfunctional, red skinned headed stepchild of the NFC East!
Make no mistake about it - I’m more excited about going to renew my driver’s license than this Giants offense. However, there are plays to be made against this Washington team and I’m cautiously optimistic that maybe…just maybe we’ll be able to score our first touchdown of the season this Sunday.
This Commanders defense is legitimately horrible. While I was too drunk to keep my eyes open by the time the Bucs/Commies kicked off, a film review on a later date revealed a litany of blown coverages, missed tackles, and an overall lack of team speed. I’m well aware of Dan Quinn’s dominance of the Giants in recent years, but unless Micah Parsons walks out of that asbestos filled Washington tunnel, I think we’ll live.
This unit just allowed 9 plays of 15+ yards, was 31% on 3rd down, and is a nightmare cocktail mixed with the perfect blend of aging veterans who don’t want to be there (Payne, Wagner) and young players who seemingly can’t play football (Forbes, St. Juste). Unfortunately for the G-Men, Forbes went under the knife earlier this week and will not be available to perform his usual Sunday routine - which consists of allowing receivers to effortlessly streak by him whilst his twig legs get stuck in FedEx “field” for 4 quarters.
Now I know what you’re thinking -
“A secondary that allows more explosive plays than a terrorist summer camp doesn’t mean jack-diddly-do if this neutered version of DJ refuses to throw the ball downfield”
You may be right anonymous reader - but the commies don’t discriminate in terms of giving up huge plays. Inside runs, screen passes, with a mouse, in a house, here or there, the Commanders give up chunk plays everywhere!
Aside from generating pressure on the interior, this defense does nothing right. There is no excuse for our skill players to not dominate this game…outside of another brutal performance from Daniel Jones of course.
DJ has compiled nearly all of his good games/statistics against this poverty franchise. Prove everyone wrong for at least one week. Otherwise, I fully expect (and demand) Lock be the starter come Week 3.
As seen in the aforementioned self-propaganda that is Off-Season Hard Knocks - it was confirmed that the Giants wanted to trade up for a quarterback this past draft. It was also confirmed that Jayden Daniels was at least one of the quarterbacks Schoen and Daboll were targeting.
In his debut, Daniels’ showcased his trademark athleticism and ability to escape the often collapsing pocket. Unfortunately, for Washington fans, he didn’t showcase much else, as he struggled to move the ball outside of compiling a respectable stat line in garbage time (granted, something the Giants were unable to do vs. Minnesota).
I definitely see Isaiah Simmons actually taking the field this week, and think he will be a useful tool to prevent Jayden from getting to the second level in a “QB Spy” type of role. Keeping Washington behind the sticks is of the utmost importance, mainly due to that I believe will be our biggest advantage heading into Sunday.
I get that Burns was often chipped by the RB/TE and the game script shifted away from obvious passing situations in Week 1, but I need to see this guy completely smoke this Washington O-Line. The season is on the brink and you’re lining up against Andrew Wylie - one of the whackest tackles in the NFL. It’s time to prove you can handle the bright lights and earn that extremely high paycheck.
On the other side of the line, Kayvon Thibodeaux typically uses the Commanders as his primary evidence to beat the looming “bust” allegations he faces. He’s starting to mouth off at the media and desperately needs a strong showing Sunday to not only save face, but prove that he is a building block for this franchise moving forward.
If this duo is able to get consistent pressure around the edges, I’m confident they’ll be able to limit Daniels and ensure his rough rookie campaign continues.
With all that being said, I entered last Sunday’s game with similar expectations and the Giants proceeded to get absolutely crapped on. I’m truly unsure if Daniel Jones will ever function as a quarterback again and am terrified that our defense will end up hosting the Jayden Daniels “Coming Out Party”. For that reason, I’m having an extremely difficult time picking my team to win and (temporarily) save their season on Sunday…
Just kidding.
Giants 23 Commanders 21
