Giants v. Vikings - Week 1 Reaction
Last Friday, I decided to take my family (against their will) to the annual Giants Fan Fest. While they don’t share my (extremely unhealthy) passion towards the team, they politely sacrificed their Friday night to roam around the modern architectural marvel that is - MetLife Stadium. The event itself is quite pleasant. Fans can meet former players, tour the team’s locker room, and have full access to the Legacy Club - which includes the 4 Super Bowl Trophies, Ring of Honor Busts, and other relics that celebrate the team’s history.
Since both the outlook for the upcoming season and the recent results have been so dismal, the Giants wisely opted to celebrate clearing a much lower bar - simply existing as a franchise for 100 years. Panels featuring the team’s “Top 100 Players” told stories of the great Parcells, Belichick, and Coughlin as spoiled children pranced around the field in their brand new “Century Red” jerseys. The event was then capped off by an extremely impressive drone show - which commemorated the team’s most famous plays and championship defining moments.
At the time, this intricate light display served as the grand finale for the Simone Biles-esque mental gymnastics routine I had been performing all off-season. “The Giants are back. We have weapons on offense, an improved line, and a pass rush. We’re going to smoke the Vikings on Sunday and kick start a surprise playoff run! I should probably start to blog to document all of this!”
So the inaugural post aged like old guacamole - who cares? 7 people read it. I already paid for the domain, so now is not the time for apathy. It’s time to let the hate and anger fuel me. Until I find a reason to stop drinking myself into a stupor by halftime, we’re shifting to a much darker tone moving forward. Besides - who doesn’t love a nice, sharp pivot at MetLife Stadium?
(Probably Aaron Rodgers, Sterling Shepard, Nick Bosa, Wan’Dale Robinson, Kyle Fuller, Jabrill Peppers, Sterling Shepard (again), Blake Martinez, and Solomon Thomas to name a few)
Let’s start by addressing the 220 lb. overpaid, mouth-breathing, elephant in the room - Daniel Jones is completely cooked. From the very first drive Sunday, it was apparent that I’m going to be subjected to the same level of ineptitude on offense that has haunted my Sundays for 6 fucking years. Inaccurate check downs, procedural penalties, 2 yard runs. Rinse and repeat.
We’ve been force fed this narrative that “the giants are gonna push the ball downfield” all off-season. Not only does Jones still refuse to do so, he can’t even hit the quick stuff anymore. Each and every drop back is the same car crash waiting to happen as the last. The only difference from years past is that the pressure Danny feels currently is often times imaginary - and his patented premature scrambles that used to go for 10 yards, now net 6 whilst getting truck-sticked. DJ is the only quarterback in NFL history that spends literally every second of the play clock, while diagnosing absolutely nothing pre-snap. He has no clue where to go with the ball and never has.
While opting to not only stay for the entirety of the game, but to camp outside the players’ exit to heckle “Danny Derps” is admittedly weirdo behavior - I’m not hopping on any sort of high horse and disavowing it either. That angry mob and I are probably not so different - both having come to the realization that every second and every breath spent defending this guy was not only wasted, but resulted in the Giants giving him a contract larger than the GDP of Kuwait. Its for that reason that I am finally ready for this sick D+ science experiment to end. To quote Daniel Jones himself - “We’ve suffered long enough”. Having this jagaloon get sandwiched between 2 linebackers to trigger his $20m injury clause is such an obvious final joke of this shitty comedy routine. Please for the love of god, pull the plug. At least Lock still has a set of balls to go with his piss-poor mechanics.
The big winner on the day is the Giants defense. They’ve successfully avoided a majority of the ridicule they rightfully deserve by simply existing on the opposite side of the ball as the “offense”. Joe Schoen drafted each and every one of the players in this secondary, often times using premier picks to do so (Flott 3rd, Banks 1st, Nubin 2nd, Phillips 3rd). Yet - we’ve taken so much of this guy’s medicine that our tummies are simply accustomed to accepting this as a major weakness heading into the year. But don’t fret - our D-Line was compared to ‘07 all summer, surely they’ll get home before there are any breakdowns in coverage! Nope. Darnold hit wide open receivers on his first 12 passes and had 2 TD’s and an 11-point cushion before a ball hit that cursed turf. From there, new DC Shane Bowen slowly came to the realization that a pass rush isn’t too effective when you’re trailing every minute of every game this season.
Of course, part of the reason you’re trailing in the first place is due to Kayvon Thibodeaux taking a face mask penalty on 3rd and 16, lining up Banks 1 on 1 with Jefferson at the goal line, and the defense as a whole allowing a 99-yard TD drive after we pull off the best special teams play we’ll make all season. But alas - the time to go full scorched earth on the defense is not today. Instead, let’s go big picture shall we?
Does Brian Daboll suck too? At the time this is written, I’m unfortunately not privy to the film breakdowns that can fairly distribute the blame between “No one is open” and “DJ sucks”. However, the All-22 isn’t required to be dumbfounded by the numerous QB Sweeps both inside the red zone (field position was gifted via fumble) and on consecutive 2nd and 3rd downs at midfield. Where is this creative play calling mastermind we were promised? If my dumb ass can identify Wan’Dale motioning behind 3 receivers means “screen” - chances are an NFL linebacker can as well. Van Ginkel probably hit his head on the goal post laughing after he picked that pass off. He and Kafka couldn’t ahve drawn up a more disastrous play calling debut - probably because they lack the creativity.
In the end, this was yet another Week 1 gut punch that has the potential to completely derail the season. If that phrasing feels familiar - that’s because the Giants have lost 7 of their last 8 openers. Coincidentally, that “Fat Randy” shank in ‘22 is the only time this team has been playing meaningful football past Halloween during that span. How much longer can this keep happening? At this point, having any and all expectations being completely squashed hours into the season is this team’s trademark. Perhaps Mara can figure out a way to align those drones into a patented “blowout week 1 loss” for next year’s Fan Fest - its probably a bit more fitting nowadays.
